Well I haven’t blogged in a while, mostly because of time, but also because of my very own Cyber “Stalker”. Since I don’t have a real name for this person he/she will now be called Grimalkin, (look it up) . I have decided that there is nothing that I can do about him/her and I’m not prepared to run and hide so I’ll just keep on with my life.

Grimalkin faded into the background for a while and I thought that he/she may have developed another passion, perhaps looking after many of cats. Then I noticed that I was receiving email newsletters form sites that I had not signed up for. They ranged form Frommers, the travel magazine, to Boston Pride. It was a odd collection.   But once again with an overwhelming homosexual theme.  Once again, is this supposed to enrage me?  Upset me?  Get with the times Grimalkin.  Calling someone gay, or insinuating that they are homosexual is not a put down.  You’ll be calling me “white” next.  Ouch that’d hurt.

I find it surprising that this day and age that you can sign up someone else to website’s email list and that they do not send a conformation email, to see if it was really you. These enewsletters were a little annoying, but really they were like spam so easily ignorable.

So to take it up a notch Gimalkin, has now taken my photo offline and set up an OK Cupid account. Supposedly:

I’m looking for that special man to share my life with. I am an active outdoorsman who loves to camp, hike, fish, and mountain bike so my special man needs to have a love for the outdoors and be able to keep up with me. On another side of me I don’t mind a quiet evening at home with my special someone, be it watching a movie or a quiet dinner or snuggling by the fireplace with a nice glass of wine.”

Looking at the rest of the profile I’m a bit of a catch. To bad that I’m madly in love with my sweetie and that I’m a straight as a lodgepole pine. Good thing that I’m comfortable with who I am. Grimalkin must really have no life. I’m beginning to feel sorry for her/him. Perhaps they need to see someone about their deeply disturbing troubles.

So once again, this is a calling to my cyber-harpy. Quit hiding and show yourself.

Recently I got a note from an individual who I do not know.  S/he wanted to  be my friend on a social-networking site  like facebook but for teachers called School 2.0.  I had joined months ago and then completely forgot about it until I get a note within my email box that “Jennifer Paulson” wants to be my friend.  I thought I recognised the name as someone that I had marked diploma exams with in Edmonton, so I added her.

I sent her a note that asked how I knew her.  To which she replied, “think hard”.  Well, I thought about it; but, still did not know who s/he was.  I replied to that end.

This is when things got weird.

Her/his reply to that email was: “I think you are an incredible self-serving asshole who goes through life using and abusing people for….what? Self gain? Makes you feel good? Because you can? Reading your so called “blog” made me laugh(at you…certainly not with you) and feel sad at the same time for all the people who are taken in by your crap. You are nothing but a self centered, ego-maniacal piece of shit. Rue the day boy.”

Ok, really.  WTF.  Was that really necessary?  I wrote to back to apologise if I had done him/her any wrong.  By that point s/he had spammed my blog with really hateful and nasty comments (similar to the above).

The way that I look at it is this.  If this person would lower him/herself to the point of slander, as well as be anonymous about it, I am the least of her/his problems.  S/he really needs to get over it (whatever ‘it’ was) and grow the F@#% up.  Really.  Doesn’t s/he have anything better to do?  I find it annoying that I have had to now moderate any comments on my blog .

Dear Jennifer, Instead of being an asshole and acting like someone who is afraid to tell me what is really bugging you, grow up and deal with it.

I am not afraid of your comments, I ‘m just annoyed by them.

During spring break, which is sadly coming to an end, Nan and I headed up to my place of retreat Powell River. During our brief stay we ate wonderful meals, toured the town and thought of possibilities for the future.

We also had the treat in watching the beautiful Rufus humming bird, feed. I have always thought that Humming birds are one of the most extraordinary birds. There is something magical in their ability move at lighting speeds only to hover in an instant. The Rufous hummingbird (Selasphorus rufus), summers in Powell River and migrates to Mexico each winter.

Throughout the day you might only see one or two at the feeder, but as the snow came in and things cooled off. There were at least 14 as see in this picture.

After Christmas Nan and I bought a 1973 VW van (also called a Kombi, or VW type 2).

I had been eyeing it for about 2 weeks sitting on a side street in Parkhill, when finally I drove Nan by it. I knew that I would be able to shake my impulse after Nan viewed the old, rusty, camper.

What I did know was that she has always wanted a VW van. We took it for a test-drive. The motor sounded good. A little under powered, but hey VW’s are not known for their spryness. During a second test drive Ben (the seller) took us to Precision 1 Auto where they specialize in fixing Vdubes and gave us the low down on what he had done to the van. The interior is in great shape and the canvas on the pop-top is without holes. There is some body rust, but with a lot of love, we’ll be able make her pretty and functional.

Ben, had had the van for 4 years, and was looking a spending more time fixing his other two VW vans, which is the reason why he was selling it. He was asking $3,000.00 after a little bargaining we got him down to $2,500.00 and he threw in his 2 repair manuals. After the trip to the mechanic and the repair manuals I don’t know if he was giving us a heads up or not.

Happy little campers Nan and I drove off with our “new” orange camper van.

Our first drive we found that the heater didn’t work, not much of a surprise, being air cooled Vdubes are not know for their tropical heat production. This lack of heat was acutely felt as we drove home with shelves from IKEA. It was–30 out, and we hit rush hour. Nan kept the window scraped with a credit card as I navigated 45 minutes to Nan’s through traffic. It was a friggin’ –100 within the cab. Needless to say we were happy to finally get to the heat of home.

With our first few trips being successful it is time to take it to get checked out for safety

Next Blog Brakes and Front end.

Well is it official I can get rid of my $100.00 Blaze (bright orange jacket) and strap on the noise makers, because lawmaker aims to allow the blind to hunt .   According to Reuters, blind individual can use a laser sights so that their “seeing” companion can see where they are pointing their rifle. The proponent of the new law, Texas State Representative Edmund Kuempel, says that “This opens up the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that’s great”

I am a strong supporter of hunting. I think that certainly in Alberta where most of the natural predators of big game have been killed or driven off, or where deer are more suited to the monoculture of cultivated land so their populations explode, hunting prevents disease and is a good population control. However there has to be a limit of who is physically able to hunt and who isn’t. I look like a creamsicle when I hunt for a reason, now not only will I be wearing Blaze, I will also have to toot a whistle and shake some bells as I stalk my prey…

Ok two blogs in the same day… Another software goodie. According to Macupdate: “DoubleTake is for Mac users who like compact cameras, but sometimes wish they could magically pull out a wide angle lens of their pocket, or plug in a sensor with a few extra megapixels for that large print.” This is another program that is easy to use and it is shareware that can be used for 30 days before deactivation.

Every once and a while I get on a kick to download more Mac OSX software. In this latest round I downloaded a really cool digital photo editing program called LightZone (the demo can be found here). By using the free verision I was able to play and retouch a number of my pitures to create some pretty cool images. Although I have just scratch the surface of this product I think that it is more user friendly than Photoshop and I am certainley happy with the small bit of editing that I have done.

It is a dangerous thing to let people know that you are not going to be at work, if you are a practical joker. After spending a great weekend with friends in one of my most favorite cities Vancouver I returned to work.

To find a very nice note in my box. I had carpooled in with a fellow teacher and usually as we walk by her class she stops while I continue on to mine. Tuesday was a little different we continued our conversation past her room all the way to mine. At this point I was getting a little suspicious. I opened my class to find that absolutely every thing had been carefully wrapped in Christmas paper. not only was my white board papered but everything that I had left on my desk, staplers, the hole punch, marking, my binders, computer, key board, mouse, calendar, clock, textbooks, doors….

I could see why I had been followed to my class. someone had to witness my reaction. I laughed and smiled that the joke. It is nice to know that people will take that much time to punk you. I must be loved! Over the next couple days, I had found out that at least 5 teachers, all three of my classes, and another class had all come to help.  Thanks all for really making my week!

I promised all of my students and those that had been involved, that I would only unwrap what I need (like my projector, and my telephone)…. I must say that I now have the most festive room in the school.

A few spring remnants from the vibrant prairie.

The thing is
to love life
to love it even when you have no
stomach for it, when everything that you’ve held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
and your throat is filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you so heavily
it is like heat, tropical, moist
thickening the air so it’s heavy like water
more fit for gills than lungs.
When grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief.
How long can a body withstand this, you think,
and yet you hold life like a face between your palms,
a plain face, with no charming smile
or twinkle in her eye,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

Ellen Bass

My Aunt sent this poem to me just a little while ago. I have meant to share it at some point, today feels like a good day to do so.

So when the preverbal shit hits the fan, remember that it will all come out in the wash.

I have always had a fascination with porcupines. I don’t know why. This one I just want to hug.

Wasps on the other hand are the flip side of a porcupine. True they have sharp bits, but they work tirelessly to build a home that will only by destroyed by the ravages of winter.

It has been quite a while since I last wrote. Although I could list of a diatribe of reasons (all of them very good ) I will not because it is not important why I haven’t but why I am now. I feel that I am on the right track to mental wellness. I went the shrink for the first time in almost a year, earlier this week. I find that the going to the shrink is like having professional cleaners in. I can clean, and I don’t do to bad a job at it when I do, but professionals, do it quicker and far better that I can.

Psychologists just help release the mental dams that are created during life’s events and start mental flush. I am still amazed at what the human brain can do to itself. Some of it in self preservation; what I don’t know can’t kill me although really I know. And sometimes as with a sudden unexpected lost or trauma it seems to be like a computer that keeps running through the same steps to get somewhere, but like a computer it freezes up and needs a serious reboot. Over the last few years I have created many self preservation blocks within my noggin and although I do believe I could eventually release them all, I think that going to the shrink will some how speed up the process. It is like having to heads look at the same problem undoubtedly they will come to a solution faster than one alone.

Another part in my growing and getting well is surrounding myself with extremely high caliber people. People that are non judgmental and that have seen enough of the world and have experienced enough to be able to help me on my journey. I can’t thank my friends enough for helping me work my way through a very dark time in my life. I’m finally at a t point where I am not desperately trying to search for a sense of who I am. I’ve started a nebulous of foundation on which to build my next great empire.

One of the best things that has happened to my psyche is that I no longer feel so desperately alone, for a while there it was awful. The loneliness was the hardest thing that I have had to work through. Sure there are lonely days and sometimes I feel a lone. I don’t feel so utterly lost. I have an inkling of where the path is and I know that it will only get clearer.

The top three feelings that I swim with on a daily basis are:

1) Guilt
2) Sadness
3) Anger

Guilt because I left the relationship. I know that I have done all that I can do, but I imagine that it is akin to the guilt that someone has surviving and accident when others didn’t.

Sadness is obvious.

Anger because this is not “supposed” to be where I am at 33. Where is my white picket fence, my 2 kids, SUV and a dog? Not that I want a white picket fence, but I did imagine that my life would be a little different.

I hope sooner than later I will get to to a point where those three are the background waves, instead of storm that is lashing at my soul.

A couple of weeks ago I bought a brand new bike. I haven’t had a nice new bike since 1992. So to have a new bike (the Kona Jake) is pretty exciting. Since buying the bike it has been a non stop buying fest: Panniers, front and back lights, a tool kit, spare tubes, slicks, gloves and shoe covers (for the rain). It is like christmas, without the surprise, every couple of days.

Being fairly mechanical I thought that it would be no problem to change the front knobby tire to a nice new slick tire. I first started with the removal of the knobby, which was extremely tight. In the process of fighting to get the rubber off I pinched the tube and putting two little holes in it. I fought the rest of the rubber off and slipped the new slick over the rim. I had a couple of what I thought where really cool patches. Self adhesive and everything… Unfortunately I didn’t realize they were temporary. They were only “enough to get you home patches”. I finished getting the tire on. Filled it up and was excited to bike to my uncle’s the next day.

Great ride there, 22 degrees with no wind either there or back. Half way back my patch gave out. So on the side of the Old Banff Coach Road in the wild rose bushes raking my ankles I patched the tube for the second time. 15 min later back on the road. Deciding that the patches that I bought had a limit use, I bought some good patches to fix the tube and a couple of extra tubes. At that point I found that all Presta valves are not the same in fact it seems like most bike shops and even MEC didn’t realize that Presta valves come in different lengths.

When I bought my bike the dealers at Bow Cycle forgot to mention that I needed extra long valves for the Kona Jake. So after buying 3 tubes at 2 different locations I finally made my way back to Bow Cycle where they apologized for the lack of information and gave me a deal on new tubes. They also showed my a couple of tricks on how to replace the tube and fill it correctly. I was thankful for their advice and decided that come Hell or High Water I would bike into work today.

Well the gods must have hear me and the morning ride was through big drops of freezing cold rain, tomorrow’s supposed to snow. It wasn’t so much of a problem except when I had to stop for red lights my glasses fogged up. My bike and I arrived safe and in one piece a little damp (to say the least) in a short 25 minutes. I’m kind of looking forward to the damp ride home. My bike is great and it makes riding something that I want to do.

Plus I think that I’ll have to ride all year to recoup the cost of the bike in the gas saving. Day one of the bike ride went well hopefully going home will be just as good.

Well I have survived. Not that I thought that I wouldn’t, but the first day of class is always tough, whether you are the student or the teacher.

It is hard to believe that I will have to learn 116 students names in the next couple of weeks. 37, 38 in each of the grade 12 Biology’s and 41 in grade 11 Physic’s. The hardest part of the first days is knowing that I only have 34 desks, so in each and every class students will have to sit at the lab benches in the back. Not the best option, but you do what you have to.

We have just been informed that we’ll only have 5.5 janitorial staff to clean and look at a building with 2,200 students and a 3 acre footprint. This year will be interesting. Hopefully it won’t be like the Chinese curse “may your life be long and interesting”…

First day went without a hitch and I’m happy that the day is over. A celebratory beer must be waiting in the fridge for me at home.

A very creative sites which contains lots of fun toys for everything you might want to do with your Flickr photo’s.

http://flagrantdisregard.com/flickr/

I’m proud to be a Canadian. Although my family has only been here for 5 generations on both sides, I feel that this is home. I’m not a hyphen Canadian, just Canadian.

I do despaired with the direction that the present government is taking particularly with respect to the middle east. Whether it was the biased one sided stand on the recent conflict between Lebanon and Israel, or our troops moving from a peace keeping to front line pawns in Afghanistan.

I would not be upset if our government had decided that these actions, were/are the best for Canada and Canadian’s. Unfortunately I feel that the choices that are being made are to fit into another country’s global interests.

I wonder if when President W. Bush calls Prime Minister S. Harper up and says “Jump!“, he replies “How high?“

Ok so what are you supposed to do with this tap then?