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Eyes Wide Open


Owl monkey

Originally uploaded by 5GnCDN

After being silent for a while I’ve decide to return to blogging. I’ve thought about starting up other blogs, under different names, but really that’d be a pain in the butt.

I also thought about what I want to teach my son as he grows up in a digital world, a world where crap happens. This last thought is the one that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about late at night as I rock him back to sleep.

In the whole scheme of things I forgot that sticks, stones, fists and other hard objects can break bones and really hurt you, but words are just that, words.

You have to give them power for them to hurt you.

I gave a lot of words power. That was a mistake on my part, a good lesson to relearn.

So there it is.

Look for more posts in the future.

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What it should look like

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The Douglas Fir Trail is beautiful in the summer and fall and treacherous in the winter and spring due to huge ice flows that cover the stairs. Dogwood and violets are some of the shady summer wildflowers you’ll see on this trek. It is a birders paradise so bring your binoculars. At dusk in the Fall I saw three Great-horned Owls fly across the path in front of me and then the coyotes started to howl. A wilderness trek in the heart of the city!

~From The Best Walks in Calgary:

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After Nan checked out this trail with her Mom a couple of weeks ago, she suggested that we check it out on Saturday. Saturday was a hot, summer day, perfect weather for a walk in the woods.

We walked to the bike path along the Bow from our house and headed upstream. At the first opportunity we cut across the train tracks from checking out the flora and fauna in the Riparian zone, into the willows and long grass along the slopes of the bow.

The trail should have moved into and through the Eastern most stand of Douglas Fir trees, but for some slumping reasons. We caught up with the trail again about halfway through, where it had been re-routed.
The trail blocked by snow fence

Following it up through the cool shade of the Douglas Firs, the trail breaks open to an incredible view up the Bow river valley.

Lookout

At this point in the trail we decided that we’d head back. Ignoring the signs this time, we thought that washout… It’s not raining, so we don’t have to worry about any immediate danger. How bad could it be?
Danger Wash Out

The trail was decimated. The rout perilous. 50+ year old trees knocked down, as the soil beneath their roots slumped away, and reformed into clay.

Trail no longer

Bridges are twisted and moved in places the trail is completely gone, leaving one only to guess where to go next. I don’t think that it’ll be open for a while. Which is too bad. It was a little piece of the quiet and smells of the mountains, within walking distance of out house.
Derooted

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Recently I got a note from an individual who I do not know.  S/he wanted to  be my friend on a social-networking site  like facebook but for teachers called School 2.0.  I had joined months ago and then completely forgot about it until I get a note within my email box that “Jennifer Paulson” wants to be my friend.  I thought I recognised the name as someone that I had marked diploma exams with in Edmonton, so I added her.

I sent her a note that asked how I knew her.  To which she replied, “think hard”.  Well, I thought about it; but, still did not know who s/he was.  I replied to that end.

This is when things got weird.

Her/his reply to that email was: “I think you are an incredible self-serving asshole who goes through life using and abusing people for….what? Self gain? Makes you feel good? Because you can? Reading your so called “blog” made me laugh(at you…certainly not with you) and feel sad at the same time for all the people who are taken in by your crap. You are nothing but a self centered, ego-maniacal piece of shit. Rue the day boy.”

Ok, really.  WTF.  Was that really necessary?  I wrote to back to apologise if I had done him/her any wrong.  By that point s/he had spammed my blog with really hateful and nasty comments (similar to the above).

The way that I look at it is this.  If this person would lower him/herself to the point of slander, as well as be anonymous about it, I am the least of her/his problems.  S/he really needs to get over it (whatever ‘it’ was) and grow the F@#% up.  Really.  Doesn’t s/he have anything better to do?  I find it annoying that I have had to now moderate any comments on my blog .

Dear Jennifer, Instead of being an asshole and acting like someone who is afraid to tell me what is really bugging you, grow up and deal with it.

I am not afraid of your comments, I ‘m just annoyed by them.

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Ok so there wasn’t any blood, nor sweat, nor tears… The bike ride went well, although I forgot about those little muscles that only get bruised by the seat of a bicycle (i.e. my butt hurt). We rode for about 5km out and 5 back. A good start. I was actually looking forward to our run the next day, but the gods are conspiring against this new healthy plan of ours and it has not stopped raining/sleeting since our ride.

First patch of blue will get us moving again.

Distance on Google Maps

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I’m proud to be a Canadian. Although my family has only been here for 5 generations on both sides, I feel that this is home. I’m not a hyphen Canadian, just Canadian.

I do despaired with the direction that the present government is taking particularly with respect to the middle east. Whether it was the biased one sided stand on the recent conflict between Lebanon and Israel, or our troops moving from a peace keeping to front line pawns in Afghanistan.

I would not be upset if our government had decided that these actions, were/are the best for Canada and Canadian’s. Unfortunately I feel that the choices that are being made are to fit into another country’s global interests.

I wonder if when President W. Bush calls Prime Minister S. Harper up and says “Jump!“, he replies “How high?

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How to F’ up

how to Fuck up
by SGGB

It is an easy thing to do. All you really have to do is lose sight of the future & focus soley [sic] on the present. By having a single focus, you’re on the road to Fuck up. I have lost contact in many ways with the future. It is easy to see the immediate and flow with your feelings of the moment. Another way to truly F up is not to listening to your gut feelings, to that little voice inside. It is easy to ignore (even when it is screaming) But ultimately with time you will hear it say “I told you so!”

As I sort through boxes I have found little tidbits of time gone by. Love letters to (never sent) and from a few girls some forgotten, many remembered fondly. As well as number of journals that I kept throughout university. That little tidbit I wrote in my first year of University. I don’t remember what I had done at that point but it still rings true.

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Long Road

Yesterday I moved today I’m a hollow shell. Up until yesterday there was always a slim glimmer that Nancy and I would work out. The finality of the end was not there. Now it is.

I don’t think I realized how much I would be affected. We had been emotionally split with one another for over a year, so I thought that moving out would be relatively easy. Sure a little painful, but not soul draining.

I don’t think that I have felt this way before, I feel hollow. It is a very bizarre feeling. Not one that I would recommend. There isn’t even an inkling of my fun loving, creative, spontaneous self. The lights are truly on, but really there is nobody home.

All I have left is a wall of boxes and an ugly although comfortable orange chair.

What am I supposed to do now. I’m not even looking forward to work tomorrow and seeing friends.

They say that it takes males longer to get over a relationship than females, sometimes as long as 7 years. I hope that this long road is not all like this.

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